Pompeii
by Linzerj
Summary: Oroku Karai is still Hamato Miwa, just as Splinter is still Hamato Yoshi and Shredder is still Oroku Saki and both are her still her father no matter who she really is. Now it's just a matter of figuring out what to do about it. (A set of connected drabbles set to Bastille's "Bad Blood" album, following canon but turning AU at a critical point.) Now complete.
1. pompeii

I should be finishing other stuff...oh well. I saw the episode and...and I needed to get it written.

Drabble, spoilers for "Wormquake" episode - it is available to watch fully on both the Nickelodeon website, and on iTunes. If you don't really care about spoilers, then go for it.

I do not own the TMNT or any related characters. They are the property of Eastman, Laird, and Nickelodeon.

* * *

**_Pompeii_**

Karai has been grateful that no active duties of late have involved the Turtles or...or _him_. Of course, since the Shredder was her father, her punishment for failure was not nearly as steep as that of Xever and Bradford... She'd been reduced to a normal ninja in terms of tasks, not allowed to lead any missions for a month and only allowed to leave for school and school-related events.

She was a sophomore, now, and so was April O'Neil and that fact had really, really begun to bug her. The semester change had brought with it a merciful study hall - or so she had thought. It turned out that April now also had a study hall...the same period as her.

And of course the red-head had recognized her, but knowing her place (or being terrified for her life) she had wisely stayed away. Or, well, she had, until her companion Irma began trying to strike up conversations with Karai.

Honestly, Karai liked Irma's dry humor and ability to spit out facts about virtually anything. The girl was unique, interesting, and unlike so many of the people at her school. Unfortunately being friends with Irma meant being..._civil_ with O'Neil.

(Honestly it wasn't that bad. When Irma was gone they used to have glaring contests, until April mentioned something about some kata or another and now Karai finally had another girl to talk to about being a kunoichi - even if that girl was her usual enemy in battle. Thankfully April never brought up Splinter, and if she did it was just to comment on a new move he had taught her; she never brought up the dreaded _father_ issue.)

As the days passed Karai wondered when she had become so much...softer. When her thirst for battle had finally started to be quenched. She wondered if this was the...the part of her that used to be (still was) Miwa.

She found she didn't really care.

* * *

If she was honest with herself, she didn't know why she still stayed with Oroku Saki some nights.

He was…_he_ was the monster he had painted to be Hamato Yoshi. _He_ was the one who killed her mother, killed Tang Shen, and _he_ was the one who ruined lives.

…But…she couldn't bring herself to hate him. Not really. Because in spite of everything, _he_ had been the one to raise her, nurture her, train her.

Of course Yoshi – Splinter – would have done the same for her, but perhaps he would have taught her to see the beauty in life instead of seeking never-ending vengeance as Saki – Shredder – did.

Karai's life had shattered, and it could never be the same again. Because while she was still Oroku Karai, daughter of Oroku Saki, she was still innately Hamato Miwa, daughter of Hamato Yoshi. The man she had called father for fifteen years had been the one to shred the life she could have had to pieces, but even the thought of the man she should call father filled her heart and soul with splinters.

The only constant in her life is Tang Shen, her mother, the one who loved her until her dying breath. Despite the world crumbling around her, she could still stare at that picture and know that someone in the world truly loved her all her life, no secrets, no heartbreak, no regrets.

* * *

The day the crucial moment comes – the day when she has to decide between Oroku and Hamato – she is not sure what she will choose. On the one hand, she does not want to leave the life she knows, and yet at the same time she wonders what else could be out there.

(She's not sure that living in a sewer with mutants is the best way to learn more about the world, but Splinter is kinder and more lenient than Shredder from what she has seen. She could probably get away with more defiance and individuality than she could now, at the very least.)

Karai will still talk casually with April when she sees the redhead at school, neither one daring to bring up the taboo subjects, and luckily she has not seen the girl or the Turtles on patrol in a long while.

Well…except for that one time. Leonardo had been alone, perhaps bringing up the rear of his brothers, when he spotted her. None of the Foot soldiers with her noticed, but blue eyes met light brown, and something, _something_ in Leonardo's eyes told her that no matter _what_ path she chose, Splinter (naïve, caring, understanding Splinter) would accept it no matter what.

The same could not be said about the Shredder.

And maybe that was the first step toward her ultimate decision.

* * *

_Oh where do we begin: the rubble or our sins? And the walls kept tumbling down into the city that we loved. Great clouds rolled over the hills bringing darkness from above. But if you close your eyes does it almost seem like you've been here before? And if you close your eyes does it almost seem like nothing's changed at all? Oh, how am I gonna be an optimist about this?_


	2. things we lost in the fire

A lovely review left by **The Prime Writer **encouraged me to extend this one-shot into an AU story. While this isn't exactly a linear story, with word of the upcoming episode "The Wrath of Tiger Claw" being where Karai truly learns what her true parentage is I thought I would start posting little drabbles revolving around her personal journey. When that episode airs, I'll definitely base future drabbles off of it.

Now I must also credit **hotmilkytea** of tumblr, known on this site as **teawithmilk**, for giving me the idea of using the rest of Bastille's "Bad Blood" album for chapters. She posted on her tumblr the song _Icarus_, with a line or two about how it fit Karai's character so perfectly, and then I sat down and listened to the whole album and decided to just use it all because it is _so perfect_. So there'll be a total of 15 chapters when I'm done. After that I'll possibly extend it if I find other Bastille songs that fit, but they can only be Bastille songs just to keep the theme.

Enough of my rambling. Here we go...

* * *

_Things We Lost in the Fire_

Karai is well aware that her mother was lost to a fire.

The details of it, of course, are coming to light and changing in her mind's eye.

She studies the picture of Tang Shen, torn at the edges and missing the other half of the arm just barely visible; the arm she now knows belongs to Hamato Yoshi, not Oroku Saki. That fire took more from her than the Shredder; as the cause of it all, he doesn't even deserve sympathy for it anymore.

She wonders what Splinter went through, thinking that she, too, was lost in the fire. Then she shakes her head quickly; she's not ready to venture into that train of thought quite yet.

But she grips the picture tightly as she sits in her room and wonders how she should break it to Oroku Saki that she knows, that she has found the skeletons in his closet and that she will no longer stand for it.

He lied to her, and she lost herself that day he plucked her from the fire. She needs to regain her old spirit, she decides, if she ever wants to be whole.

* * *

Karai looks at old pictures of her and her father that sit upon a sacred little mantle in the great room of Oroku's New York skyscraper. They were few and far between, and often just formal pictures, but she remembers the few tender moments they shared, the times he taught her how to learn from her mistakes, the times he helped her up when she fell, the times he showed her the way to greatness.

She tenderly touches the pictures, and she can feel tears trying to rise but she shoves them down. This is not a weakness, she tells herself. This is just...necessary. She needs to be free. She doesn't belong here, not really. Not really.

She's not sure exactly what comes now, but whatever she does next, things will never be the same again.

* * *

_Things that we lost to the flames – things that we'll never see again – all that we've amassed sits before us, shattered into ash. …Do you understand that we will never be the same again? The future's in our hands and we will never be the same again… These are the things, the things we lost, the things we lost in the fire, fire, fire…. Flames – they licked the walls; tenderly they turned to dust all that I adore._


	3. bad blood

_Bad Blood_

Once upon a time, Hamato Yoshi and Oroku Saki were best friends. They became hated enemies over a girl they couldn't let alone.

They were like brothers, once, and they had each other's backs as they made their way up the ranks to master ninjas. Tang Shen, the girl with Chinese parents, joined their dojo relatively late, but she already knew so much and impressed everyone with her knowledge and skill.

At first, it was friendly competition. They thought that maybe, they'd luck out and she wouldn't like either of them, or one of them would find she wasn't quite right for him. But that was not the case.

She liked Yoshi best. And Oroku Saki did not deal well with rejection and apparent betrayal of friendship.

Thus started the bad blood between the Hamato and Oroku clans.

* * *

Karai just wants it all to end, now.

It's so many years after the fact, and Tang Shen is dead and gone. Splinter seems to be okay with it, though last she saw of him he was distraught over her being with Saki, still thinking he was her true father.

She's doubting it now, of course. But she needs the concrete proof before she makes a final decision.

(She knows that the turtles are right, though. Leonardo and Michelangelo couldn't tell a lie to save their lives. And Splinter…his emotions around her were so open, so unexpected, that it's all she can do to not confront Saki about it now.)

Either way, Shredder will not stop until he has destroyed Hamato Yoshi. Splinter, though, just wants peace between them, it seems. At the very least, he wants distance so he doesn't have to kill his old friend with her watching – judging.

Splinter would let the bad blood die in an instant, Karai realizes. Shredder is the one who keeps reopening old wounds in order to keep it flowing.

She wonders if it will ever end – and how she'll escape it's angry, ugly wrath when she finally does something about it.

* * *

_If we're only ever looking back we'll drive ourselves insane. As the friendship goes resentment grows, we will walk our different ways. But those are the days that bind us together, forever, and those little things define you forever, forever. All this bad blood here, won't you let it dry? It's been cold for years; won't you let it lie?_


	4. icarus

Cover image done by me and based on this song, which was very helpful in getting my muse for this story rolling in the first place. It's also the first one of these I had written which is why I've updated so quickly. Also despite the first three chapters going in order as they appear in the album, the rest are a mish-mash in terms of order.

* * *

_Icarus_

She read a myth in English class once – or was it history? – about the inventor Daedalus, who was trapped on an island that contained the Labyrinth and the Minotaur from one of those other myths with his young son Icarus. The inventor (_like Donatello_ had been her first thought when she thought of it just a while ago) built two sets of wings out of wax and feathers so that he and Icarus could fly off the island. He told Icarus not to fly too low or too high, because the ocean and sun would destroy his wings. But Icarus ignored his father's instructions and flew just a bit too high, too close to the sun, and the wax of his wings melted away.

He plummeted into the ocean and drowned, leaving Daedalus heartbroken and alone.

She is like Icarus in a way, Karai thinks that night as she sits perched on her bed. Only instead of falling, she burned, and instead of drowning, she breathes as a different person than she was before.

But now the process is repeating.

Her new wings are melting again and she's going to plummet into the sea if she isn't careful – or if someone isn't there to catch her and save her from her fall.

* * *

Karai puts on her armor like always, because she has to. She is still the Shredder's daughter in this instant, and she needs to keep up with her duties as such in order to keep her father from doubting her loyalties…until the time is right.

She's climbed so high up the clan ladder, though, and she when she looks down from the skyscrapers it's like she is looking down that ladder and down into the sea of nothingness in which she is going to drown if she isn't careful. (She doesn't want to fall, but she knows that it'll come sooner or later, and it's better to get it over with sooner than later, right?)

If she's able to make it to Splinter's little island of safety and seclusion, though, they might all survive this little catastrophe she's setting off. Maybe. (Hopefully.)

(Please.)

* * *

Whatever way she cuts it, she's going to fall.

She wants to be Karai and she wants to be Miwa, too. She just doesn't know how to go about this anymore. The wind is blowing her off her perch and she's going to melt in the sun and plummet into the cold, unforgiving ocean.

When she sees Leonardo again on a rooftop one night, she puts her facemask on and turns away and leaves in the span of about five seconds. She can't deal with him right now. At the very least, she's certain she doesn't want to be a deserter. (A traitor is a totally different story; a distraught and confused child is even better for her chances to be able to sneak out of this in the end, somehow.)

She just wants to be herself. If she has to fall to figure out _who_ she is...well, then, so be it.

* * *

_Your hands protect the flames from the wild winds around you. Icarus is flying too close to the sun. And Icarus' life, it has only just begun. And this is how it feels to take a fall. Icarus is flying toward an early grave. You put up your defenses when you leave; you leave because you're certain of who you want to be. You're putting up your armor when you leave and you leave because you're certain of who you want to be_


	5. the silence

This one was a little tricky. I knew I wanted it to go out before the next episode, but I wasn't quite sure how to work with it. So have some April and Karai bonding, because they could be great female kick-ass besties if the show goes where I think it's going with this storyline.

Speaking of which, depending on what happens in "The Wrath of Tiger Claw", I might update as soon as that airs, either as a piece that occurs before the episode happens or in continuity with the events. But then I might wait to see what happens up to "Vengeance is Mine", because that's the episode where, based on the description, it's all going to go to hell.

* * *

_The Silence_

Shredder is rarely ever around anymore, Karai notes.

At the very least, she never sees him in her vicinity anymore. He's doing it purposefully, she guesses, and it unnerves her a little bit because she's not really sure on how this is all going to play out and she wonders if he's on to her yet.

Either way, the silence left in his absence is unsettling and she cannot shake the feeling that _he knows_.

She's hit a wall, and she's left scrambling for a plan of action regarding what she should do next.

* * *

Karai is in study hall with April a few days later, when April suddenly and unexpectedly mentions that her father is alright. At first the more experienced kunoichi is confused, but then her eyes widen in realization. April's father had been a mutated bat for most of the semester because of a mishap with some mutagen; if he was now alright, that meant Donatello had perfected a counter-chemical for the mutagen.

She felt that thought slam into her like a freight train. _Anyone could be turned back to normal now._

For the moment she shoves the random thought away and murmurs congratulations to April. She's not the best for comfort and excitement, so there must be some other reason April is telling her this, because it certainly would be news for the Foot Clan. They'd already used her father, once; in his vulnerable state now, they could do it again.

April's trust in her is somewhat unsettling.

"…Do you remember, though, when we first met, I said something about my mother?"

Karai starts out of her thoughts, looking at the red-head with an arched eyebrow. "Yeah, sure…what about it?"

"…Fires happen everywhere. Explosions are the worst."

Karai is floored. She's pretty sure, from the way tears are leaking from blue eyes, that this is the first time April has _ever _talked about this in any degree to someone else. And April is silent now, leaving Karai wondering _what is she supposed to say to this?_

"I…I'm sorry. I…" It's all she can say, really. April already knows the story of her mother, she's sure; no matter who started it, fire was everywhere and Tang Shen is gone.

April is smiling at her wistfully. "I don't really know why I told you," she sighs, "I've just kept it to myself for years and…if anyone, you'd understand what that's like."

Karai nods, because it's true. Silence fills their area again, but it's not creeping, encroaching, dreaded silence; this is comfortable and easy, the unspoken things passed through the stillness, and the two let everything be for now.

* * *

She almost craves those moments with April now. The girl – what is she now, anyway? Adopted sister, perhaps, or just an ally, possibly a friend, but certainly not an enemy – the girl fills the emptiness she feels within the Foot Clan, inexplicably so, and she is grateful for it.

* * *

_Tell me a piece of your history that you've never said out loud. Pull the rug beneath my feet and shake me to the ground. Wrap me around your finger break this silence open wide before it sinks into my ears and fills me up from the inside. Now you've hit a wall and you're lost for words my dear, my dear, my dear. Now you've hit a wall and you've hit it hard my dear, my dear, oh dear._


	6. the draw

Slightly divergent from today's episode. We'll logically point out that April, seeing Karai in her full-on armor, would take it as a threat no matter what small bond they've created as per this story, and Karai's lingering doubts will play a small role in this one. Takes place immediately before "The Wrath of Tiger Claw."

As I cry over said episode, I might as well point out that I'm adding in six Bastille songs not on the **Bad Blood** album. This is one of them, and the next one (which should come around the time of "Vengeance is Mine") will be another. So, here you go - and don't worry, no spoilers.

* * *

_The Draw_

She has never been more conflicted than she is now.

At home – if she can still call it that – everything is changing. She looks at Shredder and sees only coldness in his eyes. That coldness was always there, reflecting his frozen soul, but before there had been some glimmer of love – love for _her_ – in his eyes. Now they are ice, both of them, and he looks at her with discontent and almost…hatred.

She would be lying if she said she wasn't terrified.

Karai gazes in the mirror and wonders what she's supposed to do. She wants to leap, she wants to jump and fall and land in the safety of the little mutant family that would welcome her home in a heartbeat. On the other hand, she's scared of trying and then failing, and landing on her face and breaking all the bonds she's ever made with any of them.

She's afraid of being alone forever.

* * *

She hugs her knees and looks out over the city from her perch on the windowsill, wondering what the turtles are doing down in the sewers that they call home.

As she thinks this, the fleeting thought crosses her mind – _will it ever be my home, too?_

(Is it even her home? Can she really trust what they say?)

She shakes it off as quickly as it comes. She can't think about that, now. Right now she is still Karai, daughter of Oroku Saki, and she _will not cry about being pulled from everything she has ever loved_.

* * *

April asks her if she's alright that Friday at school.

Karai shrugs in response, not in the mood to talk. But she's willing to listen to the redhead, and even though she's not sure if what they have right now is even a true friendship – even though she doesn't know if she can _trust_ the girl – she will, in this moment, allow herself some relief. Someone finally cares about her opinion, her wants, her well-being.

But even as April offers small comforts, she wonders what words would be said if the Turtles – if _Splinter_ – were here instead. She doesn't know which she desires most.

* * *

She's being pulled back from everything she knows, everything she knew, everything she ever loved in her sixteen years of life. She doesn't know what to do, now.

Karai sighs and decides she might as well leap. Better now than never.

* * *

_Are you drifting way beyond normal 'cause 'round your mind rings the words that they would say? When you go home everything looks different, and you're scared of being left behind. Just listen to your friends; trust that fair look in their eyes. Just listen to your friends; they only care and hope you're alright. I can feel the draw – I can feel it pulling me back. It's pulling me back – it's pulling me._


	7. sleepsong

_Sleepsong_

Karai quivers in the farthest, darkest corner of her…cell. She sees glimpses of the Shredder every…now and then. She can't even keep track of time in here, not without windows or regular meals or visits. She has no idea how long it's been.

It's her own fault, she thinks. She saved the Turtles, her…brothers. She regained her honor. But honor did no good in this place.

When he walks by, Karai wants to scream at Shredder for crafting her life to suit his own selfish gain. She wants to cry and wonder how he could have done this to her for all of her life. She wants to apologize for her betrayal, in the small off-chance he'd be willing to welcome her back into his home…as leverage over…

Splinter.

Her…real father.

…No. She can't.

Shredder is no longer her father. He's just a stranger. And as every child knows – strangers bring danger.

(He can tell her all the lies he wants. She can't trust him, not anymore. She _won't_.)

(He is not her father.)

* * *

She wonders when they'll come for her.

Who she's waiting for, she doesn't know. She's not sure if she should hold out for Leonardo and his brothers to save her, for _Splinter_ to rescue her, because…because she's still Oroku Karai. And….Oroku Karai is their enemy.

(But Hamato Miwa is their friend, their sister, _his daughter_ – why couldn't she have been safe and been Hamato Miwa _why_?)

She's also waiting for – no, _dreading_ – the day when her father comes in with a bottle of mutagen. She knows it's a possibility. Not certain, but possible. Her father has no mercy when it comes to traitors and prisoners, even if…even…no matter what he says...

Karai blinks back tears she didn't think would come. She could not cry, not in this place. She would not let her weakness show now, in her loneliest and most desperate hour.

* * *

She dreams of that beautiful tree, the shimmering shine, and the truth-giving pictures.

She dreams of Splinter and Leo welcoming her home, initiating her back into her true clan. She dreams of Donnie and Mikey opening up to her and welcoming her in, of April helping her find a place of her own, of Casey and Raph coming around and accepting her presence in their home. _Her home_.

Then she wakes, cold and damp and alone in her dark cell, and she shivers and curls in on herself again. She quivers, wanting Tang Shen there to offer some comfort, some wisdom, a shoulder to cry on. She wants any of them – imprisoned with her, busting her out, taking her home, _anything_.

She wants to hug her true father and cling to his robes and fur and never let him go again.

* * *

Karai doesn't know how long she'll last in here.

The seams are going to come undone.

(She's going to be left adrift again.)

* * *

_Oh, in the strangest dreams, walking by your side, it is the hole you impose upon your life. When you're out, loneliness, it crawls up in the ground. It's what you feel but can't articulate out loud... All you want is someone onto whom you can cling. Your mother warned of strangers and the dangers they may bring. Your dreams and memories are blurring into one. The scenes which hold the waking world will slowly come undone. You'll come undone. _


	8. these streets

Okay so first, anyone else catch all the _Same as it Never Was_ references? Raph getting shot in the one eye by venom, causing (temporary) blindness; Leo getting blasted in both eyes, (temporarily) blinding him; and Fishface cracking that thing about Mikey only having one arm. This show is getting some scary foreshadowing going on - either that, or very dedicated and accurate easter eggs.

Aside from all that, the episode today was heartbreaking and beautiful and just gah, but it's not where I originally intended this to go. I wanted to stick as close to canon as possible, but as soon as Karai mutated I said "yeah nope."So this is officially AU territory now, starting with this shorter little thing. Next one should be up later in the afternoon or earlier tomorrow. I won't deny I'm excited for what the writers have in store, but I also think things could have gone a VERY different way...

* * *

_These Streets_

Karai has never been so happy to see a mutant.

Granted, these are the Turtles – her _brothers_ – so it's different than seeing Xever or Bradford coming in with the slightly disgusting food for her to eat. They have her out just hours after her own failed escape attempt, but this time they do it.

She's out. She's free.

She looks up at the silhouette on the roof as Donatello rams the Shellraiser into the Footbots, and narrows her eyes at the Shredder – the man who raised her, who lied to her, who betrayed her.

No matter how much she thirsts for revenge, she won't be coming back here on her own for a long time.

* * *

The rest of that day, she gets to see just what makes the brothers tick.

Their training is most certainly not what she expected, and she's almost surprised that she ever thought it would be anything else. Despite the insanity of it – the insanity of the whole situation in general – she giggles and actually looks forward to being able to train with them.

She wants to get to know them.

And in that moment, the old Karai is shed like an old skin, and a new Karai begins to form.

* * *

But at night, she dreams of her old home, her old life, her old father, and wakes in a cold sweat.

_He has to pay._

Certain that no one is watching, she gathers what she'll need and makes for the door and almost slips out unseen before Leo surprises her and confronts her.

She's tempted to at least bring him along. Oroku Karai is slipping back in, and she shakes her head slightly to knock her back out.

Instead of accepting his help, or even taking him down and going off on her own, she sighs and turns back, collapsing onto the couch. Leo sinks down next to her, offering silent comfort, and she basks in it as she curls in on herself.

She can't go back. She won't go back. Not now. Hopefully not ever.

* * *

_All that's left behind is a shadow on my mind. Oh a shadow comes upon a wall is silhouette and nothing more but it's all that's left behind. Is a shadow on my mind all that's left behind? But even if we won't admit it to ourselves we'll walk upon these streets and think of little else so I won't show my face here anymore. I won't show my face here anymore._


	9. albatross

_Albatross_

"You okay, princess?"

Raphael's bluntness is welcome for once, and as he flops down on the couch next to her she sighs, offering a shrug.

"Yeah. Sure. Why wouldn't I be?"

The red-masked turtle can hear the sarcasm in her voice, and he turns to look at her with his piercing green eyes. "Karai… we obviously haven't been the best of friends. But you did save our lives, and you are Sensei's daughter. And for the sake of Splinter and my bros…" He trails off, but offers his three fingered hand. She blinks, and slowly places her own hand in it.

"I'd love to start over."

He grins, and it slips away a little as he notices the emotion in her face, but offers no further advice or words. Instead, he stands and leaves, giving a little salute before disappearing into his room. He is not the one to seek for comfort, anyway. They both know this.

She stands anyway, seeking Leonardo or Donatello or Splinter or even Michelangelo. She appreciates Raph's effort, but advice is the one thing she needs now.

* * *

It's Donnie who she finds first. The lab was the most logical place to start; it's open and does not disrespect the privacy of the boys' rooms, and she knows that Donatello is almost always found here.

"Hi, Karai," he says, somewhat distracted. He's got mutagen, she notes, but is throwing in other chemicals and watching the large vat carefully simmer. The goggles over his face look ridiculous, as does his tongue sticking out as he works, but Karai smiles anyway and leans on a nearby bench to wait.

Slowly, he takes the vat off of it's hot plate and gently places it into the fridge across the lab. He wipes the sweat off his brow and sheds the goggles, turning off the hot plate as he finally turns to face her. "Sorry about that. What's up?"

She shrugs, the words suddenly lost on her tongue. Donnie doesn't waver, however, and steps closer, stopping about a foot away and leaning next to her on the bench.

"Look, Karai, if you've got something you need to get out, then you can say it," he says, brown eyes turning toward hers, earnestness shining in them. "I won't laugh or anything, I promise."

Karai gulps, and then, quieter and less confident than she'd practiced, admits, "I just…feel like I should be hunting the Shredder back. I want vengeance. But at the same time…" She dares to meet his eyes now. "I don't want to endanger you guys."

Donnie is flabbergasted, but blinks and puts a hand on her arm. "Karai, we get it. But revenge against Shredder won't do anyone any good. The bad blood has to end, and if we quietly back off, slip away into the shadows – heck, we can leave the city if we need to, or we can at least get you out. We'll never have to see Shredder again, and he'll stop hunting us and we can get on with our lives." He pauses, and chuckles humorlessly. "Well, you can get on with your life."

She sighs. "That's part of the problem, though. I mean, I don't care that you guys are mutants – I've gotten over that shock. And living with April on the surface, having a normal life, probably wouldn't be that bad. But it's not the same, you know? And even if you guys were normal, the second we resurfaced Shredder would be on our scent and chasing us again."

Donatello sighs this time, standing up to step in front of her and grip his shoulders. She'd forgotten, for a moment, that he was taller than her; she was taller than the rest of them, even Leonardo. It's odd, looking up at him, as he says, "It is your life now. And that burden – the want for revenge – is normal. But for now, let it go. Maybe, _maybe_, when we're older, we could go together and take Shredder down, but we're weakened right now and Shredder knows it. For now, just let this burden go. Okay?"

She nods demurely, and he smiles with that gap-toothed grin of his. He turns to get back to his work, and she slips away, turning over his words in her head.

* * *

**I am not your daughter**, she'd told him. And she wasn't.

She would not let him define her any longer.

Her makeup washes away, and she sheds the armor for some street clothes April brought down the day before. She's not Hamato Miwa, and she never will be, but she's certainly not Oroku Karai any more. It's time she tried being something new.

It's time she tried being Hamato Karai.

* * *

_Stepping forward out into the day, shrugging off the dust and memory; though it's soaring still above your head it is out of sight and none shall see (ooh) there's a light. Your albatross, let it go, let it go; your albatross, shoot it down, shoot it down when you just can't shake the heavy weight of living – when you just can't seem to shake the heavy weight of living._


	10. weight of living

I was waiting and waiting and waiting for another episode...and then I said, "come on, Nick," and wrote this in retaliation. (Updates will also be slow due to new job and college preparations.)

* * *

_Weight of Living_

She doesn't dare to step foot above the surface for quite a few weeks after the incident.

Her hair is beginning to grow out again, and she's letting the blonde dye start to wash out. She might re-dye it when she gets her hands on the materials, but it won't be blonde again; maybe she'll dye it lilac, or sky blue, or blood red, or maybe even tangerine orange – something to reflect this new life she has.

The life she doesn't really deserve, after all the things she's done.

Karai shakes her head at the thought. If anything, she thinks, she'll be less recognizable without her signature hairstyle and makeup and piercings – though Tigerclaw and Raazar could still easily pick up her scent if they tried. She really doesn't want to have to worry about the stupid blood feud between the Foot and Hamato clans getting in the way of her life.

She sighs. She doesn't want to worry, but this is the way it has to be (for now).

* * *

In the middle of the night she'll wake up in cold sweats still, panting from the nightmares – of the Shredder, of Tigerclaw, of the Foot Clan – of losing her new home and family.

Surprisingly, the turtles and Splinter are rarely up in the late hours of the night. It gives her ample opportunity to go to the kitchen or living area and cool off for a little bit. Some nights she wonders if it has anything to do with not having her own room yet; she's still sleeping in a corner of the dojo, though Donatello and Raphael have been surprisingly cooperative in working on building her an actual bedroom.

This night, Karai slips into the kitchen and opens the fridge, grabbing a slice of leftover pizza and pouring a glass of milk. She never cared much for pizza, but it's one of the only normal food items in the lair that's just as prevalent as the algae the turtles apparently lived on before April came along. Plus, in the middle of the night, it's the perfect thing to act as comfort food.

As she sits and eats, she hears another set of footsteps coming toward her. She tenses, ready to bolt, before remembering she is _safe_ here, and lets her posture return to something more relaxed. It's Michelangelo who walks in, yawning and rubbing at his eyes with one hand. He's not wearing his mask, she notes, which is odd – they've always got their masks on, even around her, and it's strange to see Mikey without the bright orange contrasting his eyes.

"Hey," he murmurs in greeting as he slumps down in the chair next to her, his own glass of milk and pizza slice in hand. "Can't sleep either?"

Karai snorts. "I don't remember the last time I've had a full night's sleep. Still getting used to all…this."

Mikey nods, and she notes that while he still looks drowsy his blue eyes are still alert and attentive. "Yeah. Uh…how are you doing, by the way?"

She blinks. Leo has been doting on her to the point of annoyance, Raphael has been keeping his respectful distance, and Donnie occasionally offers sanctuary in his lab when she needs to chill, but the exuberant Mikey she remembered from…before…has been strangely absent. She wonders if he just felt awkward about the whole thing, or if he wasn't sure how to go about initiating her into his bright and cheerful lifestyle. "I, um, I'm doing as well as I can, I guess."

He frowns, and shoves the rest of his pizza slice into his mouth. Karai makes a disgusted face as he chews, but he's seen it all before and ignores it as he swallows. "Y'know," he says after swallowing, "if you want me to, y'know, do anything to help make this place feel like home…" He trails off, not quite sure how to finish.

Karai sighs but nods. "Thank you, Mikey," she says, "but it's not you guys. Well, Leo could be a little less annoying – have you seen him doting on me? – but I just…need…I'm still trying to come to terms with it all."

Mikey tilts his head, looking at her for a moment, before asking, "Karai, do you like us? Do you like this?" He gestures broadly, indicating the lair. "Because, I mean, if you don't, I'm sure April can hook you up with a place or—"

"Mikey." The incredulous look on his face makes her sigh, and she pushes her empty plate and glass aside to rest her elbows on the table. "Listen, okay? I'm…grateful, that you guys did what you did for me. I didn't deserve it, after what I've tried to do to you and your family. I guess I'm just a little…doubtful that I ever belonged here, or could ever belong here."

"But…but you're wrong."

Karai's head snaps up from where she'd rested it on her hands, amber eyes meeting blue. Mikey shrugs innocently at her disbelieving gaze. "What? It's true. You just need to get over Shredder, and…and accept it, I guess. Karai, I don't have all the answers – Donnie would say obviously, but I doubt he has the answers either – but no matter what anyone says, including you, you'll always have a place in our family."

The freckled turtle did not expect the kunoichi to throw her arms around his neck in a tight embrace, but he returned it all the same.

* * *

She hates who she was.

She's determined to like whoever she becomes.

(For their sake, if nothing else.)

* * *

_It all crept up on you, in the night it got you and plagued your mind – it plagues your mind. Every day that passes faster than the last did and soon you'll be old, you'll be old. Do you like the person you've become? Under the weight of living - you're under the weight of living…Tell yourself this is how it's going to be._


	11. overjoyed

My hand slipped and I don't really know what to say about this chapter now. Oh well.

* * *

_Overjoyed_

She's taken to perching upon the old turnstiles that mark the entrance to the lair. Whether she's hunched over like a gargoyle, or leaning against them casually as possible, or sitting on it sideways, legs braced on the next turnstile over, she's there at some point during the day. They all know why she's there. She wants out. She wants her _freedom_ back.

(What little of it she had, anyway.)

Karai has never been one for passiveness, anyway. April's tried to distract her with training and "girl time"; it works, for about an hour or so, and then Karai becomes distracted again. Donnie's given Karai an open invitation to hang out in his lab to vent or just distract herself, and she'll go there once or twice a week for the isolation. Mikey has introduced her to video games, and while Karai loves them – especially the violent ones where you go around shooting people for no purpose whatsoever – they've begun to lose their touch.

It won't be long before Karai leaves, and attempts to take out the threat. And no one wants to be there for the fallout when it finally comes to pass (because sooner or later, it will happen).

* * *

Talking seems to be the best way to distract Karai, or deter her, or get her to calm down and rethink what she's doing.

Splinter's words, as always, are the ones with the most effect on her though.

One evening, while his sons gather to watch one of their TV shows on the couch, he spies Karai at her perch, casting glances back at the turtles. She is torn, he notes, between trying to bolt and take her revenge, or joining her foster brothers in their childlike joy – something which was limited growing up with Oroku Saki.

"Karai." He still aches to call her Miwa, but he will not push her, and the fact that she's accepted her true family name is enough to bring joy to his heart. "May I have a word with you?"

She looks up at him, and he can't help but notice how similar her eyes are to his own, though the hair that dusts over them – which has grown out a few inches now – is much more like Tang Shen's. "Of course."

She follows him to the dojo, the boys oblivious to anything but their show. Splinter sighs internally at the sight; he'll have to remember that, and test their awareness skills one of these days. As they enter, Karai instinctively sits cross-legged by the tree, and Splinter kneels in front of her. (He cannot sit properly, not anymore; his legs have taken on too many rat-like qualities, and any attempts to sit cross-legged on the floor are met with protesting bones.)

"Karai, you are becoming ever more distant. Tell me, my daughter, what it is that troubles you so."

She instantly begins to rant, a storm of words falling from her mouth with barely any filter. "It's Shredder! I can't stand the thought of him still out there, hunting me – hunting _us_. I want to go up and have that chance of a somewhat normal life I didn't have before, and even now he's still keeping it from me! He needs to go down, and it needs to happen _soon_, because I'm going to go stir-crazy if I can't get out soon and–!"

"Karai." Just her name, simple as that, is enough to stop her cold. "Karai, listen to me. I understand that you yearn for freedom, and trust me, I wish I could give it to you. I want to see you happy, but I also want to make sure you are safe." His ears flick back slightly at his next thought. "I cannot lose you again, daughter."

Karai bites her lip, unsure of how to respond. "I… Father, I don't want you to have to uproot everything you have here just for me. Even if we do leave and go to another city, what's to stop Shredder from finding us again? And where will we live? I doubt many other sewers have places as nice as this."

She's back to her old sarcastic bite, which is, in some strange way, comforting.

"Daughter," he says, as he puts his hands on her shoulders and she looks him in the eye. She's lost and hurting, still, and neither of them quite know how to go about this whole mess. "You are _you_. Do whatever you want, be whoever you wish to be. Do not let me, or Shredder, stop you from following your path. Try to leave the anger and frustration behind, because they are merely diversions in your life. Do whatever you need to do – so long as you come home safely."

She smiles, just barely, but it's enough for now.

* * *

She's got a new identity, now. She's not the person she once was.

_But he is still in her way_.

She will listen to her father, of course. But she still must follow her own path, whatever it takes.

* * *

_Oh I feel overjoyed when you listen to my words. I see them sinking in, I see them crawling underneath your skin. … You lean towards despair; any given opportunity you're there, but what is there to gain when you're always falling off the fence that way? Words are all we have…we'll be talking. And I hear you calling in the dead of night._


	12. poet

Had a bit of a rough time with this one. I'm pretty sure it gets a little OOC, but then again this has gone AU so who knows...?

* * *

_Poet_

Oroku Saki never liked to talk about Tang Shen. All he would say on the subject was that she was Karai's mother, and that she was beautiful, and Hamato Yoshi came between his happy ending with her. It was enough to placate Karai for years, but that time had long since passed.

Now she longs to know more, and Hamato Yoshi, as her true father, would know the most about her mother.

She needs to know. She deserves to know. She has to know.

* * *

Still, Splinter hesitates for a second before beginning his story. She can't blame him, not really. Even after sixteen years, it must be difficult to even think about, much less talk about.

But he tells her. He tells of the Chinese girl with a sweet laugh and shining eyes. He tells of how all thought she was beautiful, and how she was kind to everyone – and everything – she met.

He shares stories. He tells her of the time Tang Shen saved a little rat from his own blade, how she fed it and was even able to pet it before it went on its merry way. He tells her of how she managed to best both him and Saki in spars, and how gleeful she was when she did so.

He talks late into the evening, until Mikey announces that dinner is ready. Splinter sighs, and they leave to eat, but Karai is already thinking.

Splinter has not written anything down, and only a few pictures are in the lair to remind him of his wife. She decides she might as well write some things down for him – and so that she'll never forget, too.

* * *

Leonardo finds her that night, up well past midnight, still writing in a beat-up journal she found in the lair that was miraculously empty.

"Karai? What're you writing?"

She pauses for a moment, before her pen returns to its work. "I'm just writing, Leo. What does it matter what it is?"

He sits down next to her on the bed, offering a shrug. "It doesn't, I guess. I was just…curious, as to what could make you stay up so late."

Her eyes glance over to his face even as she continues to write, and finds that he is serious and genuine in his words. She sighs, finishing her sentence before handing the notebook to Leo.

"Like I said, it's just…stuff." She's embarrassed, in a way, but he might as well look at it now. One of his brothers will probably find it later – hopefully when she's done – so he might as well get a sneak peek for his troubles.

"Karai…it's our lives." Leo looks confused, but also…proud? Delighted? She can't tell. "From Sensei's life before, to the mutation, plus your side of the story…" He looks up at her, tilting his head. "Why?"

She shrugs. "I dunno. Something Splinter said…and then I was thinking that I might as well write it all down, if I'm going to write about my father and mother…and who knows? Someday, some kid might find this and read about it and think, 'wow, what an incredible story'. She'll get to live on in history – as will we all."

He smiles at the thought. "That's…that's beautiful, Karai."

She snorts, shoving him. "Shut up, Leo." But she smiles all the same.

* * *

Even so, she can't stay. She hasn't told a soul. She's not stupid enough to go after Shredder, but even so, _something is coming_ for them.

She finishes her journal up until present day, and then plans her leave.

* * *

_I have written you down, now you will live forever, and all the world will read you. And you will live forever in eyes not yet created, on tongues that are not born. I have written you down, now you will live forever. I have read her with these eyes, I've read her with these eyes, I've held her in these hands. _


	13. haunt

I actually had this one all set and ready to go before I got to _Poet_. But it needed a prelude, so I had to get _Poet_ out before I could present this.

We're going majorly AU here, but I promise to stay as in character as possible, especially since I love Karai. And with that, here you are, patient readers.

* * *

_Haunt_

When they wake up, she's gone.

Splinter, frantic, searches for her everywhere imaginable. His sons help, Donatello checking the security cameras to get a sense of where she was going, while Raphael, Michelangelo, and Leonardo evaluate the damage. Surprisingly, it's Casey who finds the note when he and April come down to the lair just barely an hour later.

It's short and curt, Karai saying that she needs to get away and find her own path, but that she will be back, and that she will be safe. Splinter doubts, but still fights to remain calm. This is his daughter, and he had just gotten her back. Now she's left – but at least it was of her own free will, and at least she is not seeking vengeance.

Still, no one is quite sure what to do about it.

* * *

April, by some chance, senses her presence in the city. She strikes off alone, telling Casey she forgot about meeting Irma – which she did, ironically – and beelines it toward the rooftop where Karai sits.

In the few short months she's been with them, Karai's hair has grown. It brushes just past her shoulder blades, with no yellow dye interfering with the beautiful black sheen. She has no makeup on, either, and still no armor or biker outfit. Instead, she's wearing a pair of black jeans, a dark maroon T-shirt with an elegant feather design, and comfortable black boots. If someone had told April a few months ago that this would be Karai, she would never have believed them.

She's got her sword on her, April notes as she approaches, as well as a bag filled with who-knows-what – most likely more ninja tools. Karai turns to face her as she stops a few feet away.

"Not surprised you found me, princess," Karai murmurs, turning back to stare out at the city limits. "But don't try and stop me, or follow me."

"I won't," April promises, almost surprised to realize she is sincere. "I just…wanted to know what you plan to do."

Karai looks back at her again, just barely, but it's obvious she's haunted by something. "I…April, you and the guys and Splinter are wonderful. I don't deserve any of this. But…" Her eyes look down, in…shame? "I'm so far from what you deserve. I want to be able to…to appreciate you guys. Love you, like a real daughter and sister and friend should." She puffs out a breath of air, turning away again. "I need to do this for myself, April. I just have to get away for a little bit."

April sighs, running a hand through her hair. "I…I get it, Karai. Just…you know where to find us. Come back when you're ready, okay?"

The older kunoichi cracks a small, genuine smile back at the redhead, and then leaps from the ledge. April watches the figure for as long as she can, before it's lost to the darkness.

* * *

They barely had a few months together, but already they've managed to build up fonder memories of Karai to replace some of the…less pleasant ones from…before.

Now she's gone, and they're haunted by the hole where she should be. April assures them she'll be back, but it's still terrifying to think of all the things that could happen to the girl out in the world – especially with Shredder still after her blood.

But Karai needs this. She has to get out, and steer herself down the path she's _supposed_ to be on – not the path anyone else tries to force her down.

She'll come back, someday, and be able to fully love her family then.

* * *

_We'll make our agreements about when to meet, and I'll leave you in the doorway. The cold evening aches as it leaves in its wake all the memories left by the day. And I'm questioning why, as you look to the sky, that it's cloudless up above our heads. And thoughts come to mind that our short little lives haven't left the path that they will tread… I will see you there…I'll come back to haunt you. Memories will taunt you. And I will try to love you; it's not like I'm above you._


	14. daniel in the den

Not much to say on this, other than I'm not _quite_ sure where I'm going with this, but I'm slowly working it out. Some of the ideas for what happens to Karai are based on what's going to happen with the turtles in season 3...which is still a month away. I wonder if my college roommate will find it weird that I watch TMNT...

* * *

_Daniel in the Den_

She'd reached the city limits by the time she realized there were three menacing figures following her. She could tell, without letting them know they'd been spotted, that it was Tigerclaw, Xever, and Bradford; Xever's robotic legs weren't as stealthy as he liked to think. But Karai didn't want to do this here; she kept going, through the dim suburbs, and finally out into the forests a few miles from the inner city.

She kept herself busy by pitching a lean-to, something she'd learned to do when she was small. Shredder had taught her how to survive if she ever found herself stranded in the middle of nowhere, in various climates, and while she still loathed him, she wasn't about to forget training as useful as that. After an hour, she had her shelter; another thirty minutes, and she had a small fire pit set up, and was smiling softly at the flame she had successfully lit.

A rustle in the bushes wasn't anything unusual in the woods, but Karai was sick of Shredder's mutant henchmen by now. "I know you're there," she said, letting her exasperation show in her voice. "Why don't you get it over with already?"

There were two low growls – Bradford and Tigerclaw – and a screechy hiss – Xever – as they emerged from the shadows to be illuminated by the flickering flames. She was surrounded, she dully noted, but she didn't even bother to stand. She could take Xever or Bradford alone, sure, and it would only be a mild workout to take them both down; Tigerclaw was the one she was wary about. She knew she would have a difficult time bringing him down – if she could land a hit at all.

_They've tried to kill my brothers_, she reminded herself as Tigerclaw stepped forward a little more, sharp canine teeth bared. _If anything, I can take one of them down. That would make things a little easier for them if I can't pull myself out of here alive_.

"Karai," Tigerclaw growled, "we are just here to…talk."

Karai scoffed. "Sure, okay. Shredder sent you, I'm guessing."

"No kidding," Bradford snarled, not even perturbed by Tigerclaw's death glare telling him to shut up.

"He said we were to…bring you home," Tigerclaw said, obviously beginning to become uncomfortable as Karai glared daggers at him. "He wants to apologize. Your father—"

"He is_ **not **my** FATHER!**"_ Karai hissed at him, leaping from the log she had been using as a bench. "And I am _not_ going back there, at least not alive. I won't let him use me as a bargaining chip anymore."

Tigerclaw blinked, looking subdued, but it was Xever who spoke next. "What do you mean by that, Karai?"

Crap. Tigerclaw knew by now, of course, but she had thought Bradford and Xever had been brought up to speed when she had been imprisoned. "Hamato Yoshi is my father by blood," she grumbled, eyes darting over to lock with the fish-mutant. "And with how Shredder has treated me, especially _recently_, I am no longer loyal to him."

Xever and Bradford did not move to say anything else – both mutants seemed to be working her words through their heads, coming to terms with a lie so elaborate that no one could have ever seen this coming. Tigerclaw, on the other hand, was well aware of the situation and continued forward with his mission.

"Little cub, Master Shredder has demanded your presence. If you will not come willingly, we will have to bring you in by force."

She frowned, eyes narrowed at the bigger and older mutant. "I am not going at _all_," she stated firmly, crossing her arms and jutting out a hip, unconsciously mimicking the way April stood when she was annoyed or being stubborn about something. "I am not going back to that city – not with you, not even _without_ you, right now. I'm done with this crap."

Bradford growls, more ragged and intimidating than even Tigerclaw, and takes a step forward. "What makes you think you have a choice, Karai?" His animosity toward her is still present as ever, if not amplified by the bombshell she dropped on him and Xever.

"I'm on a spirit journey." She says it nonchalantly, but her voice is edged with enough venom for them to get the message. She doesn't want to admit it, not to them, not to anyone really – not even to herself – but it's true, and it's something that will work against their plan grandly. Tigerclaw even has the decency to look abashed at her statement. In any clan, spirit journeys are an important ritual, and one is never to be interrupted for anything. Karai is the one who must learn something, and as such only she can know when it is time to face the real world and return to the city.

If she decides to return at all.

Tigerclaw has backed away, now, and Xever has joined him, scuffling his mechanical feet, unsure of himself now. Bradford is still leering at her, but he knows well enough to back down.

"Fine, cub," Tigerclaw rumbles. "I believe you speak the truth. We will not interrupt you further. But the moment you set foot back in the city, we _will_ be hunting for you."

Karai smirks, allowing her old spark to flare up for a moment. "I look forward to it – assuming you can catch me at all."

Tigerclaw scoffs, and that's the last she hears of him and the others as they melt away into the bushes, headed to whatever sanctuary they can find. They'll be back in New York City by noon tomorrow, and they'll be telling Shredder, but she doesn't really care.

They're gone, and for a moment she's free again, before she remembers why she came out here in the first place. She's got to work through her mess of thoughts and emotions before she can do anything else with her life, go back to the city, and pull herself out of her self-loathing.

She'll shed her inner demons and be someone her father and brothers can be proud of.

* * *

_And you thought the lions were bad, well they tried to kill my brothers. And for every king that died oh, they would crown another. And it's harder than you think, telling dreams from one another. And you thought the lions were bad, well they tried to kill my brothers. Oh see what it means to be free of the shackles and the dreams that you claim to see. And felled in the night by the ones you think you love, they will come for you. _


	15. flaws

My strange plot into who-knows-where continues...

* * *

_Flaws_

Every human has flaws.

As Karai sits under her lean-to, poking at her fire to try and keep it alive but safe in the shelter as rain splashes down outside, she wonders, not for the first time, whether flaws are…genetic, in a sense.

She knows, of course, that there is no gene to pass flaws from father to son, mother to daughter – that would be ridiculous. But something else in the DNA, maybe, contributes to her thoughts and actions and unintentionally mimics the same shortcomings as her biological parents.

She thinks her kind heart is one of them. Well, she used to; she no longer views it as a flaw, now that she knows the truth. But when she had been Oroku Karai, she had often wondered why her mother had to be so kind and caring, why she had to pass those traits on to her daughter. It wasn't fair, Karai had rationed, that she had to be a killer while in the back of her mind a little voice protested at the pointless bloodshed.

That kind heart came from Splinter too, though. He took her in, after _everything_, like it was nothing, no big deal whatsoever. It was soothing, in that sense, because she didn't have to worry about the _what-ifs_ anymore.

But she was too volatile to stay. That's one of her biggest flaws, the one that has led her here.

She recalls, vaguely, Splinter speaking to Raphael about controlling his anger while she was around. He mentioned that he once had trouble controlling his anger, too; that he was once as angry as his red-masked son. Karai wonders if, perhaps, some of her anger comes from her true father – though he certainly has mellowed over the past few years.

Even so, she learned all her tricks from Shredder. Her ruthlessness, her drive, her _anger_; it was all nurtured and encouraged by the man of dark secrets and explosive rage. She can blame him for her biggest flaw, she thinks. She doesn't know what it would have been like, growing up with her true family – she'll never know – but she supposes that she might have been like Raphael: a kind heart, but unmatched fury underneath. In a way, she knows that still holds true now.

She is truly the daughter of both Oroku Saki and Hamato Yoshi.

It terrifies her.

* * *

Evening finds Karai lounging on a sturdy tree branch a few feet off the ground. She watches as the sun sinks further and further below the horizon, letting her thoughts swim as she wonders what the heck one is supposed to _do_ on a spirit journey. Sure, she knew the idea behind it, but her father never talked about his – if he even experienced one. It was taboo to do so. Still, she feels lost as she sits in the woods, wondering why it had to be _her_ life that was so messed up.

"Karai? That you up there?"

The familiar voice startles Karai, and she almost falls from her branch. She peers down through the sparse leaves, and spots distinctive purple hair and hipster-like glasses. "Irma?"

The girl is looking up at her, inquisitive. She's not wearing her normal attire; rather, she's in jeans, comfortable boots, and a simple dark blue shirt. A large backpack slung over her shoulder indicates a camping trip of some sort.

Karai nimbly leaps down from her perch, taking notice of Irma's start as she lands easily on the ground. "What are you doing out here?"

"I could ask you the same question," Irma retorts, shifting the weight of her backpack. She answers despite herself. "My family's on a camping trip. There's a campground up this trail a little ways that we always use. It's usually pretty uninhabited this time of year."

Karai nods, not quite sure how to explain herself now. _What am I doing out here? Oh, I just found out my father isn't actually my father, he murdered my mother, and my real father is a man who's now a mutant rat with mutant turtles as my adoptive brothers, so I'm out here on a spirit journey trying to figure out what the heck my life is_. Yeah, that would go over well.

"I, uh," she starts, scuffing the ground casually, "I'm out on a solo camping trip. Sort of a – Japanese tradition. Coming of age and all that."

Irma looks doubtful, judging by the way her eyebrows furrow, but she nods anyway. "Well, good for you. Sitting in a tree doesn't sound much like camping, though."

Karai shrugs. "It gets kind of boring out here, you know? I was just up there…thinking about…stuff."

"Uh-huh." Irma still doesn't look impressed, but she changes the topic to something Karai is more comfortable with. "I like your hair, by the way. Are you gonna dye it again or just let it keep growing?"

She touches her hair; it's coming just past her shoulder blades now. "Oh, thanks. Yeah, I dunno…if I do end up coloring it again, I was thinking, like, a few streaks on each side, maybe in blue or purple or even red."

Irma nods slowly, looking Karai over. "Go for purple or red, I think. Those would look good on you. A light, natural orange color might work too, but at the same time I wouldn't. The blonde was a good match, but I think orange would be too flashy for you. If you go red you should do it kind of dark, but if you decide on purple go for a lighter shade."

"What, are you my hair stylist now?" Karai jokes, falling into the old habit of trading humorous insults and punchlines with her friend.

Irma laughs, smiling. "I probably could be, if I wanted to," she admits, brushing her own purple bangs out of her face. The smile vanishes, though, as she studies the kunoichi again.

"Karai, what's really going on? I haven't seen you in school in a while; I was starting to get worried."

Karai bites her lip. She can't spill all her secrets to the girl, surely, but…but she needs to talk to _someone._ "I…Irma, it's complicated. But, long story short? My…father – Oroku Saki? He's…not my real father. And he…he's the one who…who took my mom away, and then took me from my father." She swallows. "I…I just found out a little while ago, you know? But see, Saki and my real father – Hamato Yoshi – they have this big feud between them, and…ugh." She runs a hand over her face. "Like I said, it's complicated. I just had to get away from the city, you know? Because if I stayed, I would have gone and tried to kill Saki, but he would be able to swat me away like a fly without breaking a sweat."

Irma gives a low whistle. "Damn," she says, looking sympathetic. "I…that sucks, Karai."

Karai snorts. "No kidding, Einstein."

"But hey, at least you didn't give in and go after Saki like you wanted to. You're beating back your anger and turning it into something productive."

"Yeah, I guess." Karai sighs. "But, you know, I'll always have that anger. I…I almost don't want to go back at all. Just…just in case I snap and go after him."

"Hey, that's a part of life. We all have our flaws; apparently yours is extreme anger toward people who have wronged you." Irma's not joking, this time, and her words stir something in Karai.

She looks at Irma again, and manages to see the good friend with the strange hobbies and impressive grades again. "Thanks, Irma. Wasn't your best pep talk, but…thanks."

"No problem," Irma says, saluting. "But, hey, I am here for you if you need to talk. I mean, especially since April's been ditching me more often than ever lately."

Karai frowns. "What? I thought you two were really close."

"I thought so too. Apparently April's big downfall is boys; she's been hanging around Casey Jones waaay too much for her own good."

"Oh." Karai knows, in actuality, that April is ditching Irma to see the turtles. But she can't very well say that to the girl's face, not without blowing everything. Still… "Hey, Irma, I am going to go back to the city at some point, once I get some more things sorted out. Remind me to introduce you to my real family sometime, okay?"

Irma smiles wryly. "Yeah, okay. It'll beat waiting around for April to tell me where she and Jones are always running off to." There's a faint shout in the distance, and the purple-haired girl sighs and turns to go. "That's my dad. I gotta go catch up to them. Good luck, okay Karai?"

"Yeah, thanks Irma," Karai says with a small smile. "See you later."

Her friend disappears into the woods, and Karai is left with her thoughts once again.

* * *

_When all of your flaws and all of my flaws are laid out one by one, a wonderful part of the mess that we made; we pick ourselves undone. All of your flaws and all of my flaws, they lie there hand in hand. Ones we've inherited, ones that we learned, they pass from man to man. There's a hole in my soul – I can't fill it, I can't fill it. There's a hole in my soul – can you fill it? Can you fill it?_


	16. laura palmer

So...I'm in college now. Which means updates will become fewer and farther in-between. Sorry about that. Here's the next chapter to placate you for a while.

* * *

_Laura Palmer_

She's taken to wandering around at night. She knows it is stupid – her chances of encountering a coyote or other unfriendly predator are much higher – but it also helps her to think, in a way. The darkness is comforting, even out here, in a way that daylight never has been. In the darkness she can escape, and be who she wants – there are no expectations in the blackness.

So she runs. She flies through the forests, not really caring where she's going, but somehow always managing to find her way back to her camp site. She runs just to run: to feel the wind in her face, branches trying to slow her down, heavy footsteps echoing throughout the trees. She's free.

It's no permanent escape, of course. Karai knows this. She knows, but she just _doesn't care_. She…she doesn't remember if she ever felt this carefree before. She's letting her heart take over, when before it was always squashed down in favor of following orders.

It never has to be like that again.

* * *

She finds that following what her heart wants is so much easier than trying to ignore it. It's illogical, sometimes, but other times it coincides with everything she has been trying so hard to stand for. As she perches on her favorite tree in that forest, watching a meteor shower that she could never have seen back in the city, she wonders how she ever was able to stand Shredder's lifestyle.

Sure, he let her do what she wanted for the most part, the only restriction being to keep her double-life as a ninja assassin a secret. Somehow, she managed to enjoy causing others pain – overruling her aching emotions as she took lives, tortured for fun, _lived on the edge._

In retrospect, she's disgusted at her own actions. How _anyone_ could do that while being _happy_…

(She never was happy there, though, was she?)

And, of course, no one else had cared. Foot soldiers had been trained to keep emotions hidden away, taught that emotions were dangerous. No one cared about emotions – no one listened to their _hearts_. It was…revolting.

Sighing, she looks back up at the dark sky and wonders if her family (her _true_ family) can ever truly love her in spite of all the horrible things she's done.

* * *

Her spirit journey, she realizes, is drawing to a close. She's not really sure that she's found what she came out here for – after all, how could she go home empty-handed? – but at the same time, Karai recognizes that self-discovery can take a while to sink in, even after it's initially brought around.

Striking out on her own has been the best thing that's ever happened to her. She doesn't really feel quite so…angry anymore. She's not as liable to lash out, to destroy herself with hatred of Oroku Saki – and hatred of herself. She is not the same as she once was.

She is better.

She is Hamato Karai – not Oroku Karai, not Hamato Miwa, but **Hamato Karai**, and no one can take that away from her.

She's found her own path, now. She will not be the perfect daughter that would have been raised by Tang Shen and Hamato Yoshi, nor will she be the warrior Oroku Saki intended for her to become. She is her own person. She's following her own heart.

* * *

Her nightly runs are beginning to bring her closer and closer to the city. She doesn't know how she feels about that.

On the one hand, it will be nice to go back home and see her father and brothers again. On the other hand…she's scared to return. She does not want to risk ruining all she has worked for. And maybe…she likes it out here.

It's a decision that is not going to come easy. She's forging her own path, but even she isn't quite sure where it will lead.

* * *

_Walking out into the dark, cutting out a different path, led by your beating heart. All the people of this town cast their eyes right to the ground in matters of the heart. The night was all you had. You ran into the night from all you had. You found yourself a path upon the ground. You ran into the night; you can't be found._


	17. get home

A little shorter but _damn_ that finale, and just...so many things happening, so many things...

* * *

_Get Home_

She stands on the edge of the city line, wondering about her decision not for the first time that day.

A breeze rustles her hair, and she brushes it out of her eyes – how had it gotten so long so quickly? She hasn't really been paying attention.

She isn't sure, either, if she's found what she wanted to out here. It's not like she was able to ask anyone, or could have asked anyone if there was anyone to ask. She came out here for self-discovery, to figure out what her life is supposed to be, to figure out _who she is_.

(She is Hamato Karai. That much, at least, is clear now. But the rest? She's not so sure.)

Karai steps back from the city into the sparse trees near her, and sits down in front of one, staring at the glittering city looming above.

The second she steps back in there she will be hunted. She's sure that Shredder has heard Tigerclaw's report, and she's willing to bet that he has sentries posted around here somewhere. They'll be reporting on her movements, and the moment she steps over that boundary line, she's fair game.

(She can't believe that, though. This is still so _stupid_ – he can't control her now.)

But as she waits, scanning the rooftops, she sees no one. Ordinarily this would be good – the damn robots must be practicing, to go unspotted like this. But at the same time, it sends a flare of worry through her.

Then she sees the first explosion, and finally the screams of the inner city chaos reach her ears.

If she's going to do this, during some chaotic event would be the best time, she supposes, steadying herself. She ducks out of the trees of the suburbs lining Manhattan, and disappears into the city.

* * *

The moment she sets foot in the sewer, she knows something is wrong.

She saw the portals opening, saw Kraang flying through the air, but she had thought that her family would have evacuated, or else be fighting against it, safe and sound. But there's an emptiness in the sewers, something missing.

The first Kraang bot she finds is confirmation that _something_ has happened.

She picks up pace, going faster until she is sprinting through the tunnels, over piles and piles of destroyed Kraang bots, and occasionally a few live Kraang themselves. Everything is instinct, everything is a blur, and _nothing matters but getting home_.

"Father!" Karai cries as she bursts into the lair.

But there is nothing.

Her eyes, against her will, begin to water as she steps forward, through the spots of flame and rubble lying everywhere. "Father? Leo? Anyone?" There is no response, still, and even when she opens the freezer, Ice Cream Kitty (the adorable little thing Mikey cherishes) is not there to greet her.

Then she turns and sees Irma's head.

She yelps, jumping back, before realizing _it was a robot_. A…a robot. No. No, that's not…not possible. No. This was April's best friend – and her good friend, too – and they would have _noticed_ something like this. **They would have noticed**.

(Irma is out there, captured, she tells herself as she turns and faces the empty lair. Irma is alive, and so is her father and her brothers and April and Casey, too.)

As she walks from the lair, she pauses, looking at the dojo. The tree still stands tall, immune, apparently, to any disaster, and though the shrine behind it looks damaged, a cracked frame of Hamato Yoshi, Tang Shen, and their baby daughter sits upon it, placed there by a delicate hand.

_They had come back._

She snatches the frame and darts from the lair, hoping she can find them. She needs them, and they'll need her, too.

* * *

Karai hears voices, but she gets there a second too late.

She sees the flash of red hair that is April, turning from a swirling vortex of sewer water, and tries to piece together what has happened. Two neat slices with her blade and she's stepping through the grate barrier, into the area, and immediately she sees blood.

And fur.

And she doesn't even think twice.

She leaps into the whirlpool, and she _knows_ this is stupid but she needs to save him, needs him to be alright.

(And as she holds her breath and hopes that she can save him, she thinks of the mockingbirds that shrieked at her on her way home and wonders if they had been trying to warn her against this all along.)

* * *

_There's a light in the bedroom but it's dark. Scattered around on the floor - all my thoughts. This is just another night and we've had many of them. To the morning we're cast out but I know I'll land here again. How am I gonna get myself back home? …The birds are mocking me, they call to be heard. The birds are mocking me, they curse my return._


	18. oblivion

Kind of short, still, but this is the last for a while. I've gotta focus on school, and so until we actually see what happens to Splinter in season 3, don't expect much more from me. Still, we've got another three songs (three chapters) left, so this is most certainly not the end. I just wanted to address the obvious little things, and from here I'll see whether or not I'm going to update before we get Splinter/turtles/Karai reunion or what...

* * *

_Oblivion_

She is no turtle (nor is Splinter), but she can hold her breath well enough that after surviving the cursed whirlpool and being deposited in a calmer area of the sewers, she has just enough air (and sense of direction) left to snatch her father's arm and tug him up to the surface with her.

Karai is gasping for air as she breaks the surface, and hauling Splinter up onto the small stretch of concrete first she prays that he is all right.

"Father," she coughs as she pulls herself up next to him. He is laying stretched out, still unconscious, and she prays that he is still breathing. "Father?" she asks again, after clearing her throat of the water that managed to sneak its way in. She places a hand on his fur covered chest, and then her ear, listening for the soft _lub-dub, lub-dub_ of a heartbeat, feeling for the rise and fall of his chest.

She hears herself breathes a sigh of relief. He's alive, that much is clear, though he's just barely hanging on.

"Father, I'm sorry," she murmurs, situating herself against the wall so that she can watch him, preparing herself for a long wait until he wakes. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry…that I let this happen to you."

(It may not be her fault, not really, but she could have done _something_ if she had been there during this Kraang invasion, the fight against the Foot. She could have done something.)

* * *

She dares not stray aboveground until he wakes. The Kraang are still up there – sometimes she can hear the screams of the innocent civilians above.

(And to think, at one point she had wanted to be a _part_ of this madness.)

Even if she wanted to get out, she can't drag Splinter along. He's too heavy, and she doesn't want to risk reopening his slowly healing wound by even trying. So Karai goes back to the lair; it's damaged, but there are still salvageable items there. Best of all, the fridge still works, and they have stockpiles of bottled water thanks to April so they won't have a shortage of clean water for a while.

She finds general antibiotics, too, in the pantries, and after making sure they're still viable she begins giving them to her father, along with water, whenever he seems to be semi-conscious and able to swallow them. The antibiotics are for his wound; it was open and bleeding in sewer water, and there is a high chance that it became infected with _something_.

A week drags by, slowly and painfully, every agonizing breath prolonged.

(She needs him to be okay. She can't lose her father for a second time.)

* * *

When he first opens his eyes, fully cognizant, he coughs, throat dry and aching, and Karai is asleep, propped up against the wall next to him.

"Miwa," he murmurs, before shaking his head and correcting himself. "Karai," he says, a little louder, before another coughing fit erupts. He tries to rise, but hisses, collapsing, as his shoulder throbs in protest. Splinter reaches back to grasp at the wound, and is surprised to find bandages already present.

"Daughter, thank you," he murmurs, pride glistening in his eyes. She is still slumbering, and as she rests he takes a moment to look her over. Her hair has grown out, the yellow dye all but washed away, and he can't help but compare her to the angry young woman Leonardo described when she first entered their lives.

"You've changed so much," he whispers, adjusting his position so that he is more comfortable, though the shoulder where the Shredder struck still aches. "I could not be prouder of the woman you have become."

He sets his head on his hands, closes his eyes, and the exhaustion overcomes him, instantly whisking him back to the world of dreams. But Karai opens one eye, glistening with wetness.

He's alive, and okay, and _he still loves her_. No matter what else happens to her, to him, to her family, this little fact will make her journey forward so much brighter.

* * *

_Are you going to age with grace? Are you going to age without mistakes? Are you going to age with grace, or only to wake and hide your face? When oblivion is calling out your name you always take it further than I ever can. When you play it hard, and I try to follow you there; it's not about control but I turn back when I see you go._


	19. skulls

With the Turtles back in NYC, I figured we could use more of my Pompeii AU here. So...yeah. Here you go. And by the way, with this newest episode - yeah my tale is definitely an alternate universe now. :3

Also, out of curiosity - do any of you readers have AO3 accounts? Because I'm contemplating getting one and cross-posting fics, not only so more people can see them but also because I can do more with the character tags - and tags in general - over there. Let me know what you guys think!

* * *

_Skulls_

Months pass. There is no sign of Leo and the others, no way of telling whether the boys have escaped or if they were caught by the Kraang.

But Karai and Splinter push on. They hunker down in the basement of Mikey's favorite pizza shop, and they develop a system for moving through the city and its sewers. They find Leatherhead at the end of the first month; he's barely alive, and father and daughter work hard to help him regain his strength.

Then more mutants begin to show up – mutants who were exposed to earlier versions of the mutagen, and not the new one which turns everyone into Kraang-creatures. A boy and girl – Mondo and Mona Lisa, they're called, both turned into lizards. A little sparrow with a wooden leg – Malachi, he says is his name, and he has met the turtles before. Most of the others are hostile and not fully human in mindset anymore, or else they're so biased against the turtles they'd rather survive on their own, but the six of them know what is going on, and know it has to stop.

As the third month moves into a fourth, Splinter begins meditating more and more, searching and searching for his sons. Karai lets him, instead instructing Malachi and Mona and Mondo in basic fighting maneuvers. Leatherhead is a challenge – he is more volatile, relying on his size and strength and instincts in a fight, but she still pushes him to learn the basics, just in case. But the others also don't have that luxury; they're smaller, and Malachi's leg doesn't help at all. They try, though, and they're eager to learn, eager to _fight_.

And that's the important thing.

Month four brings them to a small community in the underground, where humans who escaped the Kraang have settled down and are working to take them down. They are hostile, at first, but Karai acts as a mediator and eventually the humans become allies, allies with weapons and technology the smaller band had been lacking. There, they find Mr. Murakami, the blind owner of the Japanese restaurant the boys love, and Splinter greets him warmly, glad at least one more familiar face is present. Another mutant turtle, much bigger and meaner-looking than the brothers she knows, appears, and introduces himself as Slash. _This_, she later learns, is _Spike_, Raphael's old pet tortoise. He's large and intimidating and knows the basics of ninjitsu – he would, he grew up with Splinter and Raph – and he works well with Leatherhead in guarding their encampment.

Month four also brings Splinter to his sons. He reaches them, finally, though meditation, and tells them of the state of the city, and that they're needed home. Karai doesn't know what to feel, and so she just leaves it at that. She'll ask the boys where they were and what they were doing when she sees them again.

It takes another week for them to finally arrive and find the settlement. April is leading the way, and it's not surprising; the girl has those weird psychic powers, and it's about time she started learning about them and putting them to good use.

"Master Splinter!" The cries of the group echo in the tunnels of the sewer, and a few of the humans look over in curiosity and fear, but everyone's expressions soften as four turtles, then Casey and April, plow into Splinter to envelope him in hugs. The rat keeps his balance for a moment, but the addition of the two humans is enough to send him toppling over with an "oof!" They're all laughing, and there are some tears too – and Karai doesn't try to hide her own.

Leo is the first to look up and notice her, and he wriggles free of the mass to leap over to her and wrap around her in a lighter hug. "It's good to see you're okay Karai," he breathes, and Karai is quick to hug him back.

"I missed you, too," she murmurs as he pulls away, and they stare at each other for a fraction of a moment, before another turtle envelopes her in a hug.

"Heya, sis," Mikey chirps, blue eyes watery but bright. She can't help but laugh, and she grins at Donnie and Raph as they hover nearby. Donnie takes the invitation, giving her a mutual hug, but Raphael settles for a quick "hey" and a handshake. She rolls his eyes, but doesn't complain.

The boys then wander off to greet the Leatherhead and Malachi; Raph, though, stares at Slash the whole time, and only approaches his old pet with a nudge from Mikey. Leo ends up getting pulled away by a little girl, and her parents blanch as he explains something to them and the girl – Madelyn, Karai remembers – simply tugs on Leo's arm, and she's pretty sure she now understands what Madelyn meant when she said "I met Mr. Turtle once, he'll come help us soon!"

Casey nods at her as he passes by to talk to the Mondo and Mona, the two new mutants, but April stops and offers a smile.

"It is good to see you, Karai," she says. "We were worried for you, too."

"I can take care of myself, Princess," Karai replies with a grin. "But it's nice to know you care."

"I like your hair, by the way," she comments off-handedly, and Karai grins, running a hand through black hair that reaches her shoulders, now.

"Thanks, Princess," she says, and April smiles again and wanders off, conversing with Mr. Murakami.

Karai drifts back to Splinter, and Leo ends up next to her soon after. Then his brothers surround them, and April too, and Casey is still off mingling, looking for his family, but Karai is fine with that.

This is her new family, and they're back together.

* * *

It's another month of dodging the Shredder and the Kraang before they have the confidence to storm the Kraang base. Anyone who can carry a weapon and is older than thirteen joins the brigade, and those who stay behind are not left unable to protect themselves.

Donatello has made a batch of retromutagen from mutagen he managed to nick from Stockman's lab. It's not a lot, by any means, enough to restore maybe three to five people, but at least he'll be able to make sure it works, since the city is totally deserted and no one was available to test it on.

Leatherhead and Slash are at the front of the onslaught, drawing the initial fire as the boys, April, and Splinter slip inside to disable other defenses. Karai is by their side, while Casey and Mondo and Mona and Malachi command the rest of the troops as they move in.

The first thing to go down is the mind control on the EPF soldiers. The men have been stationed around the Kraang compound, and as soon as the devices are down, the soldiers turn on the aliens, adding significant numbers to their force.

They're following April's instructions to where the Kraang mutants are being held, when Karai skids to a stop in front of a room. She saw something in there, and as she looks closely, she gasps.

"Irma!"

"What?" April yelps, turning on a dime and causing the boys to slam into each other as they try to avoid April. Splinter easily avoids the pile-up, but as he and April make their way back to Karai, he sniffs.

"Was she not the one who infiltrated our lair?" he questions, and Karai can see the way his fur is bristling in distrust.

"No, that was a Kraang-droid. But, look; she's real, she's alive," Karai insists, and then purple hair and glasses are visible in the window.

"Hello?" Irma calls, and April gasps again, covering her mouth.

"It…it is her," she whispers. "I'm sure of it, this time. Her mind…it isn't like the Kraang's. I promise. Donnie – Donnie, get her out!"

But the genius had already been at the lock, and the door slides open with a hiss and the mutants step back as Irma emerges, hesitant and nervous.

"April?" she whispers. "Is it…really you?"

"Irma!" The girl lets out a huff as April slams into her with a hug, and Karai grins, putting a steadying hand on Irma's shoulder. "You were – you were a robot, I was so confused-"

"These aliens captured me," Irma says, "and – and cloned me, I think, I saw another me walking out of the compound-"

"It's okay now, Irma," Karai cuts in, and Irma's green eyes light up again at the sight of another familiar face. "We're gonna get you out of here, but we have another mission to complete first."

Irma nods, slowly, trying to understand, and Karai looks at April's concerned face, then back to her family. Her father gives a short nod, and she nods back solemnly. "Irma, this – this is my family. My father, Hamato Yoshi, and his sons Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael, and Michelangelo."

The green eyes lock onto the cluster of mutants, and Irma jerks backwards into April. "Irma, Irma, it's okay – these are my friends, too, the friends that I never really told you about," the redhead explains soothingly, and Irma can only gulp and nod frantically.

"We will not harm you, Miss Langinstein," Splinter murmurs, approaching slowly. Karai is glad for this; Irma always liked rats, and even though her father isn't a normal little rat and the incident with the Rat King she was told about might have left some bad memories, maybe it'll help calm her down a little more. "We can explain everything you need to know later. Right now, we need to stop the Kraang – these aliens – and get you and other innocents to safety."

"Oh – okay," Irma stumbles, transfixed, and Splinter gestures to Mikey, who steps forward uncertainly.

"Michelangelo can stay with you and protect you," he says, and the tone of his voice means that there is to be no arguing on this point. But Mikey offers no protest, anyway, instead giving Irma a bright smile and friendly wave. Irma still seems so scared and unsure, but she nods shakily, and then Splinter gestures at Karai and April.

"Come," he says, and they go.

* * *

The fight is hard, and without Mikey's extra set of hands it's even more difficult than normal, but Leatherhead crashes through at just the right time, Slash and Casey following close behind. They push back against the Kraang hordes, and then Donnie triggers something on April's command-

And all the New York citizens, the ones who were caught up in the Kraang onslaught, the ones who were mutated, pour through a portal, and then Donnie is yelling instructions to April and Leo about the mutagen while the rest of them keep the real Kraang at bay-

Then Don is telling them to move, _MOVE_, and they do, scrambling to higher ground, and the Kraang retreat into the portal momentarily as a wave of orange-colored mutagen sloshes out across the floor and covers the Kraang citizens-

And then there are humans down there, confused and scared, and Karai looks at April and she nods and the girls start barking instructions to the group, and Casey leaps down and starts ushering them out. Leo radios Mikey on their phones, probably warning him to get himself and Irma out of the way of the oncoming horde, but they're not safe yet because then Kraang Prime comes lumbering out of the portal.

The remaining citizens flee, ushered on by the rest of the humans in their little army, and all the mutants rush past to offer what little assistance they can against this monster, Mikey joining in despite (or maybe because of) what Leo said. April's powers, of course, end up being the key to winning the day, pushing all the Kraang back to Dimension X and sealing it for good.

And they gather together at the end of it all, Irma poking her head in and then coming over at a beckon from April, and they just stand like that, in a big group of humans and mutants alike, and let the victory sink in.

Karai smiles, and laughs, and even if this isn't the end there's no place else she'd rather be.

* * *

_When all of our friends are dead and just a memory and we're side by side, it's always been just you and me for all to see. When our lives are over and all that remains are our skulls and bones, let's take it to the grave. And hold me in your arms, hold me in your arms; I'll be buried here with you and I'll hold in these hands all that remains._


	20. durban skies

Heyo! This one's kind of filler-y, and then there's one chapter left. This is obviously very AU at this point, in case you couldn't tell, and therefore it's quite obvious to tell that I don't own the franchise in any way, shape, or form.

* * *

_Durban Skies_

She goes on her first patrol with her brothers, and it's...more than she expected.

Leo is always there by her side, offering soft smiles and nods of encouragement, and Karai uses that as her strength, her motivation to not run off again. Mikey, too, tries to make her feel at home, not only calling her 'Karai' but also 'sis', and he beams up at her and tells jokes and does stupid little tricks and makes her laugh.

Raph is quieter, and keeps his distance, still, but he's not rude to her in any way – he still needs time, because she knows that he is a creature of black and white, good and bad, _stability_. Karai's switch has bothered him, because it presents a gray area he'd never considered before, an area of _change_, and he has to find his own way to deal with and accept it.

Donnie is a little more like Leo; he offers her smiles, and will try and make conversation when Mikey isn't telling jokes, but he doesn't bring up anything taboo, and tries to explain his weird science things to her, and all and all make her feel welcome on this patrol – the patrol that is usually only reserved for the four brothers.

They take her across the city, to some of the hot spots for crime, and to some of their favorite places to stop and people watch. They show her a view of the city she'd never gotten to see before, because despite her presence as well as April and Casey they still don't know a lot about the human world, don't know how it moves, how it functions. So they show her _their_ world; their curiosity, their intuition, their appreciation for the small things in life.

They continue to patrol like this; Karai joining just the brothers, until one day April joins them too, and then Casey as well. Then they start breaking into teams again, to cover more ground, and Karai gets to work with each brother alone, or with a pair, or with April, or Casey, or both humans, or a human and a brother – and she watches them, and she learns.

She learns that when April isn't around to impress, Casey and Donnie actually get along. They're both into mechanics, so that's their common ground, but April sets off something between them. Donnie had always liked the red-head, and feels Casey is encroaching on her, but Casey doesn't see anything wrong with some "friendly" competition.

She learns that April is kind of fed up with the boys' stupid competition over her, because she really does like both of them, but even so she's not ready for anything to happen right now. But she also learns that April and Raph are close, too, because when the three of them are paired for one night April and Raph work like a well-oiled machine and bicker like an old married couple.

But Raph assures her that while April is cool and fun, he got over his crush on her a long time ago. And he admits that, in a way, all of the brothers had a crush on April at one point, because she was the first female – human or otherwise – any of them had seen in a long time. He's also currently got a crush on Mona Lisa, and Karai hinted at the fact that Mona may have a crush on him as well.

Raph and Casey love to bash people's heads in when they're together, and they don't hold back for anyone. They have pent up rage they need to express, after all. Raph and Donnie are another good pair; Raph respects Donnie, and Donnie respects Raph, and everything goes smoothly when they work together. Karai's presence doesn't change either of these relationships.

Any time she's with Mikey, though, she feels like Mikey is trying to impress her, or prove himself to her, and it sort of…unnerves her. She finally takes him aside after a few weeks, and gets him to talk it out with her. And after that, she sees that really, Mikey wants to impress _everyone_; he's looked down on by all his brothers, so even though he never really loses his goofy, carefree, go-with-the-flow nature, he subconsciously thirsts for the approval of his older brothers.

Maybe that's why she goes along with Mikey a lot of the times. She loves patrolling with Leo – their styles of fighting mesh well, he doesn't need to give her orders because she knows what he wants her to do, and it's nice to be around someone as strong and quiet as her – but Mikey is her little brother, and she's the only one he doesn't try to impress. Because she told him that she feels the way he feels; she's encroaching on their family, and needs to prove herself, and that he has nothing to prove to her. When they patrol they can be themselves without worrying about critical eyes waiting for them to make a mistake, waiting for them to confirm their fears of being worthless and hated amongst the family.

They all offer something unique, something irrevocably _them_, and she loves it, because in the Foot there was only monotony and rigidity and order. She gets to see the city from the eyes of a tourist, instead of through the eyes of someone who is so focused on the mission they can't really see anything at all.

* * *

Even now that the Kraang-mutants are cured, and now that Donnie has perfected the retromutagen to work on all mutations, some of the mutants they'd recruited have refused.

Leatherhead was obvious; he, like the turtles, started out as an alligator, and retromutation seems pointless, because he'd lose the humanity he'd worked so hard to build. Mona Lisa and Mondo refuse as well, on the principle that they'd run away from the foster system together, as surrogate brother and sister; they have nothing to go back to.

Malachi, though, accepts, and once he's back to normal Donnie and Mikey help carry him home. Mikey still keeps in touch with the kid to play Mazes and Mutants online, though. Timothy, too, is returned to normal, and the scene nearly breaks her heart; Donnie carries so much guilt over it all, and after Timothy looks around the tallest of her brothers can't stop crying.

And of course her father refuses. He doesn't care what he looks like, because the only thing that matters is that his family stays together. And in a way, she's glad; she's gotten used to the fur and the tail and everything about him, and it would be surreal to have him look human again. He's still human on the inside, no matter what he looks like, and that's enough for her.

Casey and April no longer live with them; they've gone home to their families. Irma has gone home, too, but she visits often, usually by April's side, because it's obvious the girl's curiosity has overcome any initial fears, and plus she and Mikey have turned into some sort of hipster duo on the internet, and Irma also enjoys helping Donatello with his projects. Karai can't tell for certain, but she suspects that Irma may have a crush on the genius, but with the way Donnie doesn't seem to notice and is still a little hung up over April she just prays no one's heart gets smashed.

They continue about their daily lives. Eat, train, goof around, patrol, repeat. But it's not like the Foot Clan; there's always something changing, something new, and it's exhilarating.

She's finally – _finally_ – home.

* * *

_Where you lead your lives before from our small island, brought right back to these shores, to these shores, to these shores. It's alive; it's alive, when I see it through your eyes. It's alive; it's alive, now I understand your lives. When you take me there you show me the city; I see it through your eyes. When you take me there we drive through the city beneath the Durban skies. All that I've got to be thankful for…_


	21. laughter lines

This is the last chapter, guys, and it has been one heck of a ride. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, favorited, and followed this little story. I think this is the first multi-chapter story I've completed in a long time, so thanks to all of you for inspiring me to keep going.

In Microsoft Word, single-spaced, size 11 Calibri font, this story has over 18000 words and a total of 40 pages. It's a monster, but it was worth it.

I hope you all have enjoyed this journey as much as I have! So long for now!

* * *

_Laughter Lines_

They grow up.

They are never free from the Shedder, not really, but as the years pass his presence seems to retreat little by little, giving them all room to breathe.

April and Casey end up together, which doesn't really come as too big of a surprise, but Karai can't help but feel sad for Donnie. So much time has gone by since his crush on her, though, that he takes it well outwardly, and if he and Irma start spending a little more time together, no one comments.

Donnie also ends up going to college through online classes, though how he gets around video conferences, much less the legal hassle, is anyone's guess. Somehow he manages to earn a doctorate in computer sciences by the time he's 22, and then he goes on to get a few more doctorates in various other science and math related subjects.

When Karai graduates from college, April and Casey and Irma and the rest help all the mutants pack up their bags and they head out to the Northampton farmhouse. Kirby sells his apartment in the city and rents a smaller place nearby, and gives the deed to April and Casey. They fix the house up together, and there's room enough for all of them. No one complains. The distance does them all good, especially Kirby, and it gives them a chance to forget about the Shredder for a while.

Leatherhead is the only mutant who stays in the city. He claims it's safer for them, and Karai knows that he feels its true, but his presence is missed, by Mikey most of all. They go back and visit him as often as they can, and they visit Timothy and Malachi (Martin, really, but the name has kind of stuck) when there as well. Mona and Mondo have made their home with the Hamato clan, and Karai has noticed that Raph is interested in Mona and wonders if that will ever go anywhere.

Karai, though, develops a tendency to travel. Sometimes she'll bring April and Irma along, and occasionally Casey as well, but mostly she travels alone. Asia is her usual destination, but never Japan; there are too many bad memories associated with her home country.

Everyone always worries. They worry for her safety, for her mental well-being – they worry she won't come home.

And sure, sometimes she's gone for over a month at a time, but she's a free spirit; she doesn't want to have to settle down. When she eventually finds a job at a small business, she makes sure it's in foreign affairs, so she can continue to travel but on someone else's budget.

But she always makes sure she keeps in touch, even as April goes into psychology like her father, as Casey becomes a professional hockey player and later a hockey coach, as Irma goes into biochemical engineering, as her brothers grow old and find their own little ways of making money and supporting their big, happy family. She'll text and call, and video chat as well. Splinter never worries. He knows that his daughter will always be safe.

And she always comes home, at some point. No matter how hard she tries, she'll always get drawn back into the madness of her family, but she's glad. She'd miss them, otherwise.

They grow up, they follow their own paths, and sometimes those paths diverge from the main trail but always, _always_, they come back together again at some point in time.

They're a family, after all. That's what family does.

* * *

"How long are you staying this time?"

Karai, now 27, looks up at Leo, recently 26. She'd come back for her brother's "mutation day", as they called it; after all, birthdays and major holidays required all family to be present.

"I dunno," she sighs, brushing a strand of hair behind her ears. She's got a few lilac streaks in her hair, a few shades lighter than the color of Donnie's mask. She'd gotten them on her most recent trip to Australia, along with stories of how insane the wildlife is there.

"Well, then how long will you be gone on your next trip?"

"Not too long," she replies, rolling her eyes. "Father's birthday is coming up, after all, as is Irma's. I can't miss those."

Leo laughs quietly, sitting down beside her. "No, you can't." They are silent for a few moments, sitting on the soft grass and staring up at the stars. They're much brighter at the farmhouse than in the city, where you could barely distinguish even the brightest of stars.

"Karai, can I ask: why do you keep leaving?" Leo's voice is small, timid, and Karai frowns, turning her gaze to the eldest brother.

"I mean," he clarifies when she doesn't reply, "we…we always miss you, and…and we worry about you."

"Then stop worrying, Leo," Karai says, a little colder than intended. She looks away, back up at the night sky. "Father and I talked about this. He knows I can handle myself. He knows I will be safe. And you all know that I will always come back."

"But…what if you don't?"

Karai sighs. "Leo. You are my family. It's taken a while, but I've accepted it. I love each and every one of you, and I am so grateful I have you in my life. But I'm still finding my own way. Traveling…it gives me distance, and excitement, and joy. I'm sorry if it causes you pain, because that's not what I want at all."

Leo blinks, and tries to voice some of the jumbled thoughts swirling in his head. "No – Karai, no, that's not what I meant by that at all – I mean, if it makes you happy, then go for it, we just…" He trails off, unsure of himself, and Karai hums softly.

"Leo, I will always come back. Nothing in the world could keep me away."

"How can you be sure?"

"I said so, and therefore it is true."

Leo chuckled a little at that. "I don't think that's how it works."

Karai smirks at him. "Well, that's too bad, because that's how I choose to see it. Those places I go to are new and exciting and fun, but if I never came home I think I'd go insane. This is the one place that I feel like it's perfectly fine to be myself, and I will never let that go."

Leo smiles now, a genuine smile, and together they stand up and make their way back to the house.

No matter what the future holds, she'll always come back home.

* * *

_As you held me down you said: "I'll see you in the future when we're older and we are full of stories to be told. Cross my heart and hope to die, I'll see you with your laughter lines." Ashen faces in cold breeze…all the stories you will leave… I'll see you in the future when we're old._


End file.
